


Stuck in the memories

by Chubbychicken



Category: Patrick Melrose (TV), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parent/Child Incest, Past Child Abuse, Protectiveness, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 00:44:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chubbychicken/pseuds/Chubbychicken
Summary: This story is Sherlock but in Patrick melrose's world. So pretty much Patrick=Sherlock, makes sense? Hope so.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sherlock goes to NY to collect his fathers ashes. So far, its not going so well.





	1. Help me

**Author's Note:**

> Warning:Contains child abuse, sex, drug addiction and rape. Slightly graphic.  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Bold letters: Voices in his head, it could be his or someone else's.
> 
> Italic letters: Memories or a flash back.

 

 

"I'm so sorry for your lost...You're father was a good man"

 

Sherlock sat in a circle of men that used to be friends with his father before he died. They wanted his conference to discuss the money Sherlock was getting.

 

**A** **good man? The fuck has he been telling these people? How could such an awful person convince so many people that he was good**

 

"Ah yes, he was a great man wasn't he... He helped so many people, especially old men! Ugly, f-fat ooolllld men.

 

Stay calm... Its okay 

 

"But I guess that doesn't matter... Help is help." Lock sighed and took another shot "the best part about it was I got to help out! It was always so much fun going to those masked adult parties and getting to see the smile of old men as they handed the money to my father. It was like I wasn't even a child, let alone a human" he hysterically laughed

 

**FUCK HIM!!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!! No... Stay calm. Fuck**

 

"Excuse me? I'm sorry but was there an issue?"

 

"Oh no! As you said he was a great man... He was such a good man that sometimes I JUST WANTED TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!"

 

**Withdraw**

 

Everyone stared at Sherlock in disbelief

 

"Mr. Holmes!!!! Sir...Are you okay?"

 

 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck... My apologizes, please do excuse me."

 

**Y** **OU RUINED IT... FUCK! Everything is numb! Numb, numb, its numb, no, it hurts, IT BURNS!!!**

 

Sherlock ran out of the room and headed towards the restroom. He slamed close the stall doorl and vomited into the toilet.

 

"SHIT"

 

He slide on to the floor and pulled out a small plastic baggy with qualluds inside

 

"Just to take off the edge"

 

He walked out of the stall and checked to see if anyone was in the bathroom with him. Once he knew he was alone he locked the door to the bathrooms. He popped one to many qualluds into his mouth and layed on the floor. Listening to his breathing. His heart began to race. He knew it was just the drugs so he began calm himself.

 

"Oh daddy! Look what you did... I'm your perfect little boy" sherlock said with a sarcastic scottish voice as he always does.

 

**Get off the floor sherlock, its disgusting**

 

**Fuck off mummy**

 

**Don't speak to your mother like that boy**

 

"That's how you speak to her" sherlock said out loud responding to the voices in his head.

 

numbness... It overtook sherlock.

 

a knock at the door

 

Sherlock lifted himself off the floor. He felt as if his body weighed a million pounds. He looked in the mirror and straightened himself up. He walked over and opened the door, greeting the man with A smile.

 

"Hello sir! I apologize... I must have passed out on the floor"

 

"Dear lord, are you okay?" the older man said with concern putting a hand on his shoulder.

 

Sherlock notice the touch of the man and his entire body flinched.

 

**Please don't... I don't want to**

 

Sherlock shoved passed the old man and rushed out the building. He started towards the hotel.

 

_He could hear his fathers footsteps starting towards his room "Sherlock! Moms out at aunt Lisa's. We can pick off where we left off! Sherlock open this door before this gets worse." sherlock's father yelled at him from the other side of the door._

 

Sherlock sat in the back of a cab having a panic attack.

 

"Are you sure you're okay sir?" the cab driver asked with concern.

 

"No... Yes! I'm- I-I I'm fineee...."

 

"Whatever you say"

 

Sherlock sat in the back of the cab panting. The only thing he could think of was the memories flooding his brain.

 

_"_ _You're such a disappointment! I'm only trying to make you a better man"_

 

_Sherlocks father stood over him with a belt. Every insult was followed by a smack across the face._

 

_"You're just like your mother"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_Right across Sherlock cheek. Sherlock cried out in pain._

 

_"That should do for know..."_

 

_Sherlock's father grabbed him by the hair and threw him onto his bed._

 

_"Strip"_

 

_The older holmes said aggressively towards the young Sherlock. Lock began to remove his clothes with tears streaming down his face. He stopped at his boxer shorts and sat there... Just sat there._

 

_"Did I tell you to stop?"_

 

_Lock said nothing_

 

_"DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD"  the older holmes yelled smaking the young boy across the face._

 

_"Please... I don't like doing this. It hurts."_

 

_"Sherlock... Do. As. You're. Told."_

 

_Sherlock removed his boxer shorts._

 

_"Lay on your stomache"_

 

_He rolled over._

 

_"Good boy"_

 

_Sherlock could feel his father climb onto the bed. He could feel his father over top of him. He could feel his fathers hands roam over his body and he began to sob. His father then began moving his hands towards his back side and-_

 

"We're here _"_

 

Sherlock looked out the window and gathered his things. He handed the cab driver what he owed and ran into  the building.

 

**YOU'RE SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT**

 

**Kill yourself sherly**

 

**Get it over with**

 

**Just do it**

 

His body was on fire... He could feel the hands of memories all over him. It was humiliating. He made his way to the room. Heroin... He needed Heroin now. When he arrived to the room the first thing he did was inject himself with the sweet relief of numbness.

 

**NO YOU PROMISED**

 

"FUCK PROMISES!!!" Sherlock screamed to the voices in his head.

 

**What about john?**

 

Sherlock looked down to the needle protruding from his vein. He thought about john and the promises he made. Coming to new York to collect his fathers ashes and money was a lot harder then he thought.

 

_Sherlock starred at a blank wall... Just sat there and starred. His father patted him on the head and whispered one last thing to his young child._

 

_"Don't you ever tell a soul. I'm only doing this for you."_

 

_Sherlock was numb. Laying in bed was a task to him. The memories that ran through his head were disgusting. He felt humiliated. Used. He was only 10._

 

Sherlock layed under the couch hyperventilating. 

 

**John.**

 

**I need john.**

 

**KILL YOURSELF**

 

The voices kept getting louder and louder. He could do nothing but lay there and sob. 

 

**Call john.**

 

**Don't do something that your going to regret.**

 

**Kill yourself.**

 

**NO.**

 

**John needs you.**

 

**Don't let your father win.**

 

With that last thought Sherlock shot over to the phone and started to dial johns number.

 

"Hello? Who is this?"

 

"John... Is that you?"

 

"Oh god Sherlock, you had me worried to death... Why the hell haven't you called me. Its 3 in the morning."

 

**How the hell is it 3 oclock**

 

**You passed out at some point**

 

**"** I'm sorry..." Sherlock said with tears running down his face.

 

"Sherlock? Love, are you okay? What's going on? Do I need to come down there?"

 

"I can feel him, the memories... I can't do this"

 

"Sherlock? My god love, I'll be down there by the morning"

 

"..."

 

"Sherlock? Listent to me love! He will never touch you again. Please just talk to me."

 

"..."

 

"Sherlock!?!? Please talk to me!"

 

The line went dead. Sherlock had passed out on the floor. John stood in the flat. He hurried to get his things. 

 

He was going to New York.


	2. I'm here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John arrives at the hotel to find a broken and scared Sherlock...

John arrived at the hotel the next day around 3 in the afternoon. Considering it was an emergency flight it wasn't all that bad.

When John arrived at the hotel Sherlock was staying in he went straight to the front desk and got the room number.

 

"Are you friends with that man?" the desk attendant asked.

 

"He's my boyfriend actually. Why?"

 

"Oh, well he's been scaring the maids and other guests with the yelling"

 

"I apologize, he's not usually like this. (lie)I'll talk to him when I get up there" john said quickly trying to hurry the conversation along so he could go make sure his love was okay.

John rushed up the stairs (he didn't even bother with the elevator considering the crowd of people around it). When he arrived at Sherlocks door he was hesitant and anxious to see what was going on. He reached for the door and unlocked it with his key.

The door creaked open. John peaked his head inside.

 

It was a mess... There were clothes, food, and what john had dreaded... Needles, everywhere.

 

John spotted Sherlock laying naked on the floor covered in scratches. A habit Sherlock had picked up over the years of abuse. A nervous tic Sherlock called it... the need and urge to scratch at his on skin during nervous fits. John shook Sherlock, whispering his name quietly. 

 

"Sherlock, love its me"

 

Sherlock opened his eyes and looked up at his handsome doctor. A job Sherlock never took a liking to considering his father was a doctor and used that excuse to give him "physical exams". Sherlock wanted to hug him but just layed there instead. He didn't know what to do. His mind went blank. 

 

**You can see the disappointment in johns face**  

 

Sherlock just looked at him. John wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. Instead of panicking at his boyfriend unresponsive cognitive state, he picked him up and carried him to the bed.

 

"Sherlock? What happened darling?"

 

"I-I'm not sure" Sherlock replied confused with fear.

 

"Well, lets get you cleaned up"

 

"John?"

 

"Yes sherlock?"

 

"I'm sorry John"

 

"Its okay darling, I understand... We'll figure this out."

 

John went to the bathroom and grabbed a damp towl. He pressed the towl gently on the needle marks and wiped the blood from sherlocks arm.

 

**You're such a burden**

 

**Johns going to leave you**

 

"Please make them stop"

 

Sherlock grabbed his own head with tears running down his face. He hated this... He hated himself.

 

"Make what stop?" john question with a concerned look on his face.

 

Sherlock didn't respond. He just layed there... Tears running down his face.

 

_1\. 2. 3. WHACK 1.2 3. WHACK 1.2 3. WHACK_

 

_"What have you learned?"_

 

_"I must not tell a lie!"_

 

_"Good boy!"_

 

_"I didn't lie though father!"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_"YOU DID AND YOU KNOW YOU DID!"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_"Apoligize"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_"I'm s-sorry"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_"You call that an apology boy?"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_"IM SO SORRY FATHER... I WILL NEVER LIE TO YOU NOR ANYONE ELSE AGAIN!"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_"That's more like it... One more for good measure"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_Sherlock looked down at his bloodied thighs. He dreaded that tool that his father hit him with. A paddle made with strong but spikyl, unsanded wood._

 

_"Get out of the chair child"_

 

_"I can't, my legs hurt."_

 

_WHACK_

 

_"Do. As. You. Are. Told."_

 

 

 

_Sherlock slowly stood from the chair where he was told to sit so his father could give him another one of his nonsense life lessons._

 

_"Now, what do you think i'd like for you to do next?"_

 

_"Go to my room and be quiet"_

 

_WHACK_

 

_His father hitting him across the stomach that time._

 

_"Wrong"_

 

_Sherlock hated this part. It was the most humiliating, degrading, disgusting thing ever. He stood in his place shivering. Not wanting to answer the question but he did quickly before his father could hit him again._

 

_"You want me to strip and lie down"_

 

_"Yes but this time lay on your back. I want to see your face when I teach you, you ignorant pig."_

 

_Sherlock began to cry. He did as he was told. It was one of the worse. He was only 12._

 

_"_ Sherlock?"

 

"..."

 

**Take it like a real man**

 

"You still with me mate?"

 

**Good. Boy.**

 

"Please stop touching me"

 

"Sherlock? Its just me darling"

 

"Please! It hurts, I hate it! I don't want this! Please, dad!"

 

**Stay still boy**

 

"Its just me, calm down"

 

**You're so soft**

 

"Please let go of me... I promise I'll be good."

 

Sherlock began to struggle. John wasn't sure what to do so he sat back and tried to talk him through it.

 

"Dear god sher, its just me! Please snap out of it"

 

_He held Sherlock down. Hands roamed his body. He laid there and cried. He could do nothing but cry._

 

**STUPID BITCH**

 

Sherlock thrashed and cried. John finally decided the best route was just to hold Sherlock down before he hurt himself.

 

"Shhhhhh, its okay lock... Its john."

 

Sherlock began to slow down. He stopped thrashing and just laid there crying.

 

John had no idea what to do. It wasn't the first time he had done this but it was the first time john had no idea how to help. He usually sat with Sherlock until he snapped out of it and pretended like nothing ever happened.

 

Sherlock laid still. Shaking and crying but he refused to move from his spot.

 

"Okay, sherlock... Listen to me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to clean up a little bit okay? I'm staying in the same room."

 

Sherlock did nothing but lay there shaking. John took that as an okay and he got up from the bed and began to pick up a little.

 

**John** **hates you**

 

Sherlock cried.


End file.
